| hey. i blogged this into my myspace, but i'll do it here all the same, cause it's that good.
today... in bio. i got. a revalation. and it is amazing.
so... last wednesday, mike and dan and i were at his church, and sinse a famous preacher or someone (who i didn't like) showed up, the youth group went up to listen to him talk. his stuff was redundant, and i was not interested in it at all.
but, towards the end, he told us all to break up into groups, and pray for any vision of statement that God had to give to whomever was in your group with you. so, mike and dan and i sat, and sat, and sat. during this, i was trying to pray, but i couldn't do it, because i was still depressed. the depression had been brought apon me a long time ago, and it was from not being able to see or hear God. nomatter how hard i tried, or wanted to try, i was still alone.
but, after a few minutes, mike told me he has something to tell me, and that God thought i should know it. he said that it didn't matter how clever i tried to be, or impressive, or pitiful, because he loved me anyways.
at first i thought great. and didn't really think too much of it, besides the respect i gained for mike, for saying such a thing.
but then, sitting in bio, watching a movie about our digestive system, i thought about it again, and i remembered how i had overheard other statements like that. they all seemed to start like 'it doesn't matter how much money you have...' 'what you did before doesn't matter...' 'you don't have to worry about...' etc etc. but they all ended with
"because i still love you."
and then i realized what that last line meant. for a long long time... sinse friggin' elementry school, i'd been really worried about what other people saw me as. i'm sure that's not uncommon at all with us. and before mike finished the end of what i was meant to hear, i was expecting something like 'it doesn't matter what other people think of you.' when it didn't end that way, i was rather surprised, and disapointed with not being able to know that.
but the fact that God only ever said "I love you" implies that he's the only one you need to love you. i realized how it doesn't matter if, friggin, everyone at school hates me. sure, that would be a drag, but, that's not what matters. not at all. and then, sinse mike had relayed that message from God, that meant it was as if God told me in person. so i heard him. and i... friggin, know he's there now.
i dunno, you can take what you want from all that. it means more to me then you might know, but maybe it could help someone else more then i realize.
either way, i'm friggin happy now, and i haven't been so in a long time. |
